Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
