Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
