He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
