in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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