Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
