I got chris browned last night
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
