hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
