and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
