Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
