I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
