i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
that's an acceptable place to lick
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I will be naked everywhere
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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