no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
