Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize