Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I think I died a long time ago.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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