ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
