I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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