just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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