My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
