I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
