I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
