I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
In other news, I just burned my penis
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
