youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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