Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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