Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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