Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
