im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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