: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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