you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
