Midget sex pt 2 tonight
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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