Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
