Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
