Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
