I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
