yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
