When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
