broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
