I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
