Its about making memories worth repressing
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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