hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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