he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
