please come you make the beer taste better
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
