So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
