I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
