why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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