I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
