That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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