you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
