You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
