Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
