I bet he comes in French.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Randomize
