you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
