you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Boobs are out for the taking
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize