My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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