plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
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