White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
