yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
