at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
