He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
