I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize