Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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