Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
if only i could text you this smell
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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