we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
