Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
