I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
