I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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