The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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