No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
a search helicopter?!
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
