you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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