I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
