We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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